Vilified! - Red Meat for Conservatives from a Guy who’s Got a Lot of Beefs

Date: 6/01/09

What's Next? A Twitter Czar?

President Obama is going to name a Cyber Czar, a cabinet level position with a mission to make sure your Amazon.com account doesn't one day turn on you and attack your computer under an evil probe initiated by some guy in the Middle East named Achmed or someone named Kim Sang Walla Walla Bing Bang in Pyongyang.

Well, I'm sure this will go as smoothly as the government's recent involvement in the auto industry. I predict 6 months from now, all things being equal, you and I will be the proud owners of Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter.

Yes, government intrusion into "cyber space" will be as successful as Time Warner merging with AOL.

I guess we can all be glad Obama was the one to name the position "Cyber Czar". I fear if Bush had come up with this idea, we'd be looking at the new "Chief of Internets".

So, what will the new Cyber Czar do?

The president said, "Indeed, in today's world, acts of terror could come not only from a few extremists in suicide vests but from a few key strokes on the computer -- a weapon of mass disruption."

So, we've gone from worries about weapons of mass destruction to those of mass disruption. North Korea is popping off missiles and underground nuclear explosions faster than a hair plug falling out of Joe Biden's head and Obama is worried I won't get my email.

Well, let's not stop there. I think it's more serious than that. I think we need a Twitter Czar - someone to make sure the terrorists don't compromise the micro-blogging service for their own needs. The Twitter Czar could surveil the service under the Patriot Act to make sure terrorist aren't tweeting to each other.

Achmed: Kim Sang it's me Achmed.

Kim Sang: got some info 4U

Achmed: IMHO, uhaul I rented won't be big enough.

Kim Sang: you should have rented one of those things they bring to you.

Achmed: what things?

Kim Sang: that 'pods' thing. They put in your driveway and then you fill up with fertilizer and ammonia. Then they deliver it where you want.

Achmed: LMAO! What a great idea! I build bomb at home, they deliver it. I love this country!

Kim Sang: WTF?

Achmed: OMG. Sorry. I just forgot myself for the moment. Akbar Allah!

As you can see, it's Twitter - and the simple opportunities in our country which can become the most dangerous of all. That's why in addition to a Twitter Czar, I'm calling on the president to name a Portable Storage Czar.

You may think I'm crazy now - but wait until we have our first PODS bombing. Then, you won't be so smug.

Corey Deitz