Vilified! - Red Meat for Conservatives from a Guy who’s Got a Lot of Beefs - "Sarah Palin Resigns Crown

Date: 7/15/09

Sarah Palin Resigns Crown - Far-Left Wants to Cancel Homecoming

It’s as if Sarah Palin is the Homecoming Queen and the far-left is giddy with the chance to cancel the whole weekend just because she’s decided to give up her crown.

“What will happen to the Republicans?”

“Is she still viable?”

“How could she ever run in 2012 after this?”

“How can a quitter promote leadership qualities”?

“Hey: do you guys know ‘You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’?”

(Sorry, the last question was actually for the band playing Homecoming weekend.)

What is it with this fishing, hunting, gun-toting, backwoods Barbie and her detractors? No matter what this woman does, she winds up being criticized.

The fact of the matter is she’s too good-looking. The world doesn’t take too kindly to attractive people because we think they’re getting a better deal. And they are. One study suggested employers were more prone to hire pretty people and pay them more. Other studies have proven people pay more attention to good-looking people, and good-looking humans seek out similar good-looking people for personal relationships. (Not only are the good-looking people getting a better deal but they’re snapping up the other good-looking people so you can’t be with them.)

In short: good-looking people get better jobs, earn more money, garner more attention and have better sex.

It’s a good-looking world my friend and the uglies are threatened by it.

That’s why I’m announcing the grand opening of the Right-Wing Academy of Palintology (not to be confused with the Right-Wing Academy of Paleontology which studies prehistoric life like Democratic Senator Robert Byrd from West Virginia.)

At the Right-Wing Academy of Palintology, progressives will be able to re-sculpture their faces into the kind of appearance they’ve always been jealous of. Just pick the features you want most: Sarah Palin’s cheekbones, Ann Coulter’s lips, Michelle Maulkin’s eyes, Laura Ingraham’s nose, Janine Turner’s legs, or any number of other improvements to what the Lord began.

Plus: with Michael Jackson no longer hogging the market, it’s the perfect time to undergo a little plastic surgery, possibly at a handsome discount! How about that breast enlargement you’ve been coveting? At the Right-Wing Academy of Palintology we’re proud to say: In God We Bust!

Why, in no time even the most beastly liberals will be elevated to near-celebrity status as their new, beautiful visage becomes the target of endless attacks by frumpy-looking ideologues.

Sarah Palin’s biggest problem so far has been one she has no control over: her looks. If she had any sense, she’d set her face on fire with some Alaskan crude and try to put it out with an Anchorage ice pick.

I’m not sure where she goes from the governor job but I can guarantee you the far-left will continue to watch her every move and pounce on her every statement and action. Some of those folks are vicious, like wild Alaskan wolves. If I were them, I’d be careful.

The Homecoming Queen’s got a gun.

Corey Deitz