Vilified! Website - Congress Proposes 'Take a Rich Person to Work day'

Date: 8/02/09

Congress Proposes: Take a Rich Person to Work Day

Financing the proposed Health Care reform has proven to be a fairly straight-forward answer for most Democrats: tax "The Rich". That’s because as most people probably know, The Rich don’t deserve the money they have earned or inherited because they flaunt it by bathing in caviar on a daily basis, flying to Paris for dinner at 58 Tour Eiffel at least twice-a-week, and using their unlimited resources to kill innocent trees so they can build big, ocean-polluting yachts.

The Rich are BAD. The Rich should be vilified and better yet: stripped of as much money as possible so someone smarter, like Congress, can appropriate it “properly”.

After all, the Rich do very little for society except innovate and employ (Henry Ford, Andrew Carnegie, Bill Gates, Ted Turner, Marshall Field, John D. Rockefeller) and practice philanthropy (The Guggenheim Museum, The Field Museum, Rockefeller Institute for Medical Research, The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation) to name a few.

Little does it matter The Rich already shoulder a large financial burden so you can trade in your clunker today and maybe someday get a flu shot tomorrow. I’m sure you’ve heard it over and over again: The very wealthiest Americans pay the most. According to the U.S. Department of the Treasury: “…the top 5 percent of taxpayers paid more than one-half (53.3 percent) of all individual income taxes.” Ho Hum. How boring. Let them eat cake.

Even so, I think it is clear from who would pay for the current Health Care proposals being discussed that our vampire government just doesn’t think it has sucked enough blood out of these people to correct (or support) its own current (or future) red ink. If only those pesky Rich People could see how much more they could be contributing!

That’s why Congress has proposed “Take a Rich Person to Work Day”. If you work on Capitol Hill, you are being encouraged to bring a Rich Person to work with you the day you return from the August recess.

Through this enhanced bonding experience, the program’s creators hope Rich People will warm up to the idea that America no longer encourages personal success and Capitalism should now be spelled “Capitol-ism” as in the place the money’s going to finally go.

“It sounds like fun,” says an unidentified Democratic Representative. “I’ve never actually spent time with a Rich Person – well, one who wasn’t a lobbyist, that is. Will he need special food? Should I have some Rich People toys available so he or she doesn’t get bored? Maybe a netbook so he can watch his stock portfolio?”

“Take a Rich Person to Work Day” activities are scheduled throughout the first day back from recess including:

1. A brunch presented by the IRS called “Cash for Our Coffers”...

2. A photo opportunity where Capitol Hill Politicians and their Rich Person can stand next to a backdrop of Manhattan and appear to be suspended in-the-air dangerously low near the Statue of Liberty...

3. Plus a special “Wishing You Get Well” Health Care wishing well in case any Rich Person wants to voluntarily toss diamond jewelry or gold ingots in before they leave.

“It’s going to be a wonderful day for America to see Rich People,” exclaimed House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “I just hope they appreciate how much we’re doing for them.”

- Corey Deitz